Musings about changing seasons

The fall season is almost officially upon us and you'll never guess what I have been pondering lately...the different seasons of my life and how seasons change us. I don't think the changes from one season of life to another are always permanent though. For example, I didn't get to read very much in college about random subjects that I was interested in, because I was already reading textbooks and books for classes. And if there was time for reading after that, the time was obviously spent checking up on friends via Facebook;) Right now, my son is almost 14 months old so the days are busy trying to keep him from injuring himself. Keeping our house intact is a challenge while he runs around like a mad man digging dirt out of the potted plants, taking out every single food storage container from the cupboard, emptying all of the contents out of the toy box, and transferring every book from the bookshelf onto the bedroom floor. Needless to say, by the time he goes to bed at night, my brain has been fried.

Surprisingly though, I have noticed especially in the last month that I am hungering to learn again. I must be far enough removed now from being a brand new mom that I am ready to go back to my actions from previous seasons of life and again be a researching nerd. I love to learn. I always have. I was that kid in kindergarten who took delight in going to school each and every day. When I was a preschool teacher, I got excited to take continuing education classes because I got to learn new things. I took a continuing education class for fun a few years ago on web design just because I thought it sounded interesting and figured why not learn a little bit to continue developing my skill set. The moment that I found out that I was pregnant, I immediately started going online and seeing supplements I needed to be taking, what foods I shouldn't be eating, when I needed to go in for my first doctor's appointment. You get the picture. I like to learn.

What have I been putting my researching skills towards lately? A variety of different things. Right now I'm really interested in thinking about creativity and writing and what it is exactly that inspires us to write. I haven't written very much since my son was born and I was trying to figure out exactly why I haven't been as inspired. I had this picture of my son being born and being so moved by the grandeur of such a life changing event that the writing would just flow right out of me. Not so much the case. So what is different now? I spent all of the mental, emotional and physical energy growing this child inside of me and then caring for him after he came out and seeing him through the first year of his life and I just didn't really have anything left after all of that. Learning how to be a mom was apparently all my brain and body could handle during that time. Now that I am a bit more adjusted into my new role, I guess my brain is up and running again and is ready to take on some more challenges and it feels great to settle back into my research!

The problem: why have I not been writing the last year
The reason: I was learning how to be a mom
The solution: my brain is ready to research again!

Going back to the discussion about fall, I found it so interesting to see that this part of me that yearns to always be learning, growing and becoming a better version of who God created me to be was finally reemerging. I even started to wonder if I had changed and that that part of me was no longer there. Pregnancy and giving birth is a crazy process that changes your body forever so I thought maybe it just changed part of my personality along with it. I think that the change in the weather, season and schedule triggered something in my brain that also made me realize that I want to continue to be the same person I was before I became a mom. Of course I will never be the exact same person, but I don't want to lose sight of who I am just because I added a new role as mom into my life. I am so thankful and privileged to be able to be a mom, but I still want to be me as I add that role into my life.

How can I still be myself while also being a mom?
I certainly haven't been a mom for that long, but I have already decided that I will just never be that mom who has it all figured out and tries to perfectly balance everything. Perfect balance just doesn't exist. It's a beautiful ideal that is entirely unobtainable and leads to burnout and an exhausted heap on the floor resembling me at the end of most days when I try to aim for that. So what is my solution? I try to choose my priorities. If I say yes to something it has to be something that I'm excited about and hold close to my heart. My friends and family are a no brainer. I love them and want to stay close to them so I prioritize seeing them and spending my time and energy with them. I am involved with the Mom's Group at my church and I volunteer within that group. This also takes my time and energy, but I also get invaluable support, friendship and advice from moms who are experiencing the things I'm going through or have been there in the past. Being a mom is hard and we 100% need one another to get through it all so we don't have to be the exhausted heaps on the floor resembling ourselves. This group is absolutely life giving to me so again a no brainer. For the past year, I had to be pretty choosy about what I said yes to or who I said yes to spending time with, but I now feel like I'm ready to start branching out again and that it would be ok to say yes to more things and to allow new friendships into my life again. This is always a tricky thing for me to do, because I can get all excited and start saying yes to too many new things or people when I have this extra flow of energy going on and then start burning out when I live the new schedule on a weekly basis. That's why it's good to be constantly evaluating our lives and seeing what things we have committed to that are sucking the life out of us while not giving back any life to us. Don't get me wrong, there are circumstances in which you just give because it is the right thing to do and you know that you probably will never get anything back from it. Some days, I have to just choose to continue to be kind to my son when I know he is just having a tough day. I know that there is no way that I am going to get a lot of love back from him that day. I know that I'm going to get a lot of fussing, bad attitude and that it might not be the most fun day as a mom, but I choose to continue to give my love to him just because I love him and loving him no matter how he acts is the right thing to do.

Taking Steps

My son is 10 months old now, and he is crawling and starting to get really good at taking big, wide steps when we are holding him up and walking with him. Let's face it- pretty soon he is going to be walking and running everywhere and my life is going to get a whole lot busier!!!

This stage of his development reminds me of Proverbs 16:9 that says, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (ESV)  

I tend to box my life and dreams in the way in which I plan it in my heart. I get disheartened when things don't turn out the way I planned them out in my mind. But God has a plan and He is the one who establishes my steps.

It can be so frustrating because we want fast results. But when you think about it, how amazing is it that we don’t have as much pressure about our life and our decisions because we know that God’s hand is in our every step? Ultimately He is the one who establishes our steps. Like a Father helping his child learn to walk, if we fall or our tentative plans leads us in the wrong direction, He will be faithful to establish our steps in the direction that is the absolute best for us. How amazing is that?!!! 

It’s so comforting to know that I can make plans and dream- it’s important to take steps and pursue our dreams- and yet, ultimately, God will always be the one to open or close doors in our lives according to His will and what is best for us. 

I love that I have a God who knows me and is so deeply and intimately connected to my life and what is best for me. Just as a small child has such a joy and trust as long as they are with their parents, I can be filled so much joy and trust that God has my back and that the life that the Lord allows to unfold will be good! He has our best interests at heart and will ultimately be able to use any and all of our life circumstances to bring more honor to His name.

Life isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to wait on His timing to see how and when He will establish our steps, but we can trust and take joy in our lives as we do our best to continue making plans and pursuing our dreams!!! Be filled with hope that He has a plan and that he will be sure to establish steps in your life that will ultimately lead to a more fulfillment and joy! Keep on making plans, but remember to rest and take joy in the fact that the Lord will establish those plans for your good and in the way that brings honor to His name!!! 

How Do I Get My Joy Back?

One of the best things about kids is how well they live in the moment. When they are excited about something, they have a hard time waiting for it to happen, but you better believe that when it comes time for the exciting event to happen that they are going to celebrate it fully. Christmas is so fun with kids because they rejoice in the presents that they get and they rejoice in the other small things about Christmas so well. They dream and think about their birthday for months and months before it really happens. 

As adults, I feel like we can get stuck in looking towards the long-term and all of the obligations and we can forget to rejoice and celebrate the exciting and wonderful moments of life, especially the small moments. Kids get excited about getting to play with new play dough or having a snack that they really like. There are so many small things to rejoice in! 

In the Bible it has this verse that says, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." -Colossians 3:15 

I just feel like this verse is such a great one. I can get so caught up in everything going on in my life that I forget that the God of peace is really in charge of my life and my heart. 

Peace comes when we give up our control. We're really not in control of most of the things that we worry about anyways so why not relax a little bit and pry our fingers off the things that we're trying to hold on to so tightly? God's hands are a safe and capable resting place for the worries of our lives. 

Going back to the verse...it's interesting how it ends with..."And be thankful." When we are able to hand over our worries we will have God's peace. And through His peace, we will be able to focus on what we are thankful for instead of focusing on only ourselves and our struggles. 

God has given us so much and on top of it all, He wants to give us His peace and take our burdens for us. It's funny that we would every worry about things at all when He is in control of the universe. Yet we think He can't handle our lives? That's so silly! 

As for me, I want to hand things over right away to Jesus so my life can be an example of the peace that He brings to us. And the words that come from my life can be filled with speaking out all of the blessings that He has given me and all of the things that I have to be thankful for. 

How do you get your joy back? It's about surrender and then peace, joy and thankfulness will follow! 

Definitions

While I think definitions are largely overused in the writing world, I am nonetheless about to share an interesting little exercise that I did today as I was sick and bored of feeling sick so this is what transpired. I bolded the words that connected in my head in case you can't understand my thought process...which would be understandable since it can be quite random and a being of its own;)...


It all started with my question of how the word “idol” is defined…

Idol: any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration or devotion

Devotion: profound dedication; consecration

Consecration: dedication to the service and worship of a deity

Deity: God; Supreme Being

GOD:
1.
the one Supreme Being, the creator and ruler of the universe.
2. the Supreme Being considered with reference to a particular attribute: the God of Islam.
3.
( lowercase ) one of several deities, esp. a male deity, presiding over some portion of worldly affairs.
4.
( often lowercase ) a supreme being according to some particular conception: the god of mercy.
5.
Christian Science . the Supreme Being, understood as Life,Truth, love, Mind, Soul, Spirit, Principle.
6.
( lowercase ) an image of a deity; an idol.
7.
( lowercase ) any deified person or object.
8.
( often lowercase ) Gods, Theater .
a.
the upper balcony in a theater.
b.
the spectators in this part of the balcony.

Funny how my road to curiosity can lead down a path to God and yet God is defined in so many different ways. My curiosity led me toward one more definition…

Jesus Christ: Also called: Jesus of Nazareth ?4 bc --?29 ad ,founder of Christianity, born in Bethlehem and brought up in Nazareth as a Jew. He is believed by Christians to be the Son of God and to have been miraculously conceived by the Virgin Mary, wife of Joseph. With 12 disciples, he undertook two missionary journeys through Galilee, performing miracles, teaching, and proclaiming the coming of the Kingdom of God. His revolutionary Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5--8), which preaches love, humility, and charity, the essence of his teaching, aroused the hostility of the Pharisees. After the Last Supper with his disciples, he was betrayed by Judas and crucified. He is believed by Christians to have risen from his tomb after three days, appeared to his disciples several times, and ascended to Heaven after 40 days.

My last thought was how interesting it was that a dictionary that is so vague and broad when defining God and yet is so specific when it comes to describing Jesus and what He is all about.

Life is a journey...

Psalm 32: 8-11

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you and watch over you…

the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous;

sing, all you who are upright in heart.

These verses are so amazing and I feel that God showed me them very specifically. Here are my thoughts…

1) God will instruct me which means I don’t have to figure it out on my own. Sometimes I feel so lost and wandering and get discouraged that I don’t know the exact next step. The truth is, however, that God will show us and teach us what he needs to in order to bring us to the places he has for us. It’s a journey. It’s ok if it takes time, as journeys normally do.

Along this line, I don’t have to freak out so much over the process of walking through the journey. Right now I’m like a neurotic passenger on an airplane. I have to fly to get to the destination. I’m already on the plane so I might as well sit back and enjoy the flight instead of dwelling on how much I hate being on the plane and how long it’s taking. That’s exactly what I’m doing in life. I get freaked out about the process of finding a profession and a calling. Instead of sitting back, relaxing, and giving myself time to seek God and try different jobs, I freak out and expect myself to have it all figure out right now.

Luckily I’m still young and it’s not like I’m slacking off and doing nothing with my life so I can chill and continue to do my part and trust that God will teach me and show me the next step, especially as I continue to be faithful with what I have now and focus on the blessings instead of being discontent with what I want and don’t have.

2) God’s unfailing love surrounds me and will be easier for me to see as I continue to rest and trust in him more and more. When I’m tense and discontent all the time-like that nervous passenger I described- I’m focused on myself and am not focusing on the Lord or trusting him. Instead of focusing on making more of myself right now with my career and ministry, I can trust the Lord to guide me and teach me through the process of the journey.

3) Since life is a journey often full of times of frustration, loneliness, disappointments, etc, I can focus on the negative and discontent or I can rejoice in the Lord, his promises and the eternity with him that I have to look forward to. I have so many things to be thankful for and so many exciting things ahead of me. Positive people can have such a strong influence in a dark world. I can be negative and selfish like many people or I can live in joy, thankfulness and rejoice and sing that I have the love of Jesus. That’s all I ever need and yet he blesses me with even more than that! He is so good!

Life is a journey...

Psalm 32: 8-11

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you and watch over you…

the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous;

sing, all you who are upright in heart.

These verses are so amazing and I feel that God showed me them very specifically. Here are my thoughts…

1) God will instruct me which means I don’t have to figure it out on my own. Sometimes I feel so lost and wandering and get discouraged that I don’t know the exact next step. The truth is, however, that God will show us and teach us what he needs to in order to bring us to the places he has for us. It’s a journey. It’s ok if it takes time, as journeys normally do.

Along this line, I don’t have to freak out so much over the process of walking through the journey. Right now I’m like a neurotic passenger on an airplane. I have to fly to get to the destination. I’m already on the plane so I might as well sit back and enjoy the flight instead of dwelling on how much I hate being on the plane and how long it’s taking. That’s exactly what I’m doing in life. I get freaked out about the process of finding a profession and a calling. Instead of sitting back, relaxing, and giving myself time to seek God and try different jobs, I freak out and expect myself to have it all figure out right now.

Luckily I’m still young and it’s not like I’m slacking off and doing nothing with my life so I can chill and continue to do my part and trust that God will teach me and show me the next step, especially as I continue to be faithful with what I have now and focus on the blessings instead of being discontent with what I want and don’t have.

2) God’s unfailing love surrounds me and will be easier for me to see as I continue to rest and trust in him more and more. When I’m tense and discontent all the time-like that nervous passenger I described- I’m focused on myself and am not focusing on the Lord or trusting him. Instead of focusing on making more of myself right now with my career and ministry, I can trust the Lord to guide me and teach me through the process of the journey.

3) Since life is a journey often full of times of frustration, loneliness, disappointments, etc, I can focus on the negative and discontent or I can rejoice in the Lord, his promises and the eternity with him that I have to look forward to. I have so many things to be thankful for and so many exciting things ahead of me. Positive people can have such a strong influence in a dark world. I can be negative and selfish like many people or I can live in joy, thankfulness and rejoice and sing that I have the love of Jesus. That’s all I ever need and yet he blesses me with even more than that! He is so good!

"The Race"

I'm just walking, walking
Onwards in this race.
Nothing to hold me back
Except me and my uncertainty
Of exactly what I'm racing towards.
Where is the finish line and how will I know it?

Softly I receive my answer.
All this time racing towards the same thing,
Of course with stops and diversions along the way.
Always pulled back into the very same race
Sometimes besides familiar faces, other times alone
And yet strangely never alone.

Strength from outside myself
Spurring me onward
When I want to quit.
Drawn like that moth to the flame always discussed
And yet not to death but to life.
Running that race like I'd never run before
Heart beating to an exotic, familiar beat.

Exotic to what I'd known,
Familiar to my heart and its longings.
In the pain living beyond myself
A race no longer about me.
Hope in running this race
About much more than me.

A certain destination
Although the path unfamiliar to me.
Realizing my doubts meant nothing.
Putting one foot in front of the other
Propelling me towards the finish line.
Forgetting about winning
Focusing on racing well in the now.
Until that line is crossed one day
In faith I will run on.